Men's sexuality from Tantra perspective
Men who come for a Tantric Therapy session either want to experience what is Tantra or they have certain issues related to their sexuality and/or relationship, usually these go hand in hand. Clients are anywhere between the age of 20-75.
Main problems that men have are: stress, depression, erection problems, premature ejaculation and that their partners do not want to have sex anymore. Now let's take a closer look at these topics.
Let's start with men who want to start exploring the path of Tantra. Tantra has become more and more popular these last decades. Most people relate Tantra to sexuality. I will not get deeper into the topic what Tantra really is, I will just say that sexuality is only a small part of Tantra. Tantrics will give You a very different prospective of what Tantra really is. Sexuality is a big taboo in the world and almost all religions tell You to stay away from sex. Well, Tantra is not a religion and is opening the doors to the world of sexuality, so that You can experince something that is powerful beyond recognition. Yes, sex is divine, sacred and sexual energy is the most powerful energy in the world, because it creates life. It can also be used for creating everything else, if You know how to use it.
One of the key principles in Tantra is energy, understanding the energies and feeling the energies. When a person is ready they will experience a full body orgasm during the session. Sometimes it happens on the first session, sometimes on the second and sometimes on the 7th. Each person is different and the body opens up when it is ready. Usually this is a very powerful experience for people. During the session there is always release of emotional and physical stress/tension and often people feel like a huge burden has been lifted from them. These are usually more easier cases and they come about 2-3 times and then their multiorgasmic potential is opened up and they can start to experince this also with their partners during lovemaking. My role is just to support the client in this process, to help them to open up.
A very common issue for men over 50 is the erectile dysfunction. This can be either emotional or physical problem. Usually after the consultation I understand why the problem has occured. I want to say to every man out there: this is a problem that can be fixed without medications. It is a shame to hear doctors tell men over 50, that they need to look at their passport and that this is normal. No it is not! Sad is that they prescribe Viagra or Cialis and that just makes everything worse. Usually it takes a few session and some changes in their lifestyle and sexuality to make things back to normal. But they will have to keep up the changes, otherwise they will be back in the same place as before.
There are many reasons why this occurs. As I said one of the reasons can be emotional. Other reasons are: wrong diet, too much alcohol, smoking, not enough rest etc. But one of the key reasons is using their sexual energy the wrong way.
In today's world people mainly use sexuality in 2 ways: one is to have children and second is to discharge emotionally and physically. One of the key principles in Tantra is that men and women need to learn to use their sexual energy the right way. When man has sex and ejaculates, then he loses energy in 2 ways. One is physical, through ejaculation and the second is energetical. Tantra teaches that orgasm and ejaculation are not one and the same thing and men need to learn to separate these two. Ejaculation is necessary when You want to have a child, when You want to have an orgasm, it is not necessary. After the ejaculation most men feel depleted and tired and can not continue with lovemaking. Many feel depressed after.
A Tantric man can make love to woman for hours, have multiple whole body orgasms and feels energized and powerful after lovemaking. A common man can make love between 4-8 minutes and feels tired and empty after.
Tantrics say that we are all born with a life energy called Ojas Shakti. This energy can not be regenreated when it is used up. It is said that we lose it in big amounts during lovemaking. So when a man in his 50ies has erection problems, it is mainly because his life energy has been used up in and just like the red light in Your car gas tank goes on, the same way Your red light goes on. You have used up too much of Your Ojas and You are about to crash. When Ojas is used up completely, a person dies. So when doctors prescribe Viagra, it is like whipping a dying horse and often men will die because of heart failure.
In this case a person needs to change many things and he is the only one who can make the changes. I am here for support, but I can't make the changes for him.
Third reason why men come to me is that sexuality is completely gone from their relationship and their partner is not interested in sex anymore. They lack love and intimacy which are so important to men. I can help them here too but a lot will depend on their partner's willingness to work on this and understand that things are not in a good place.
I am not interested that men will come for sessions all the time, they need to fix these issues and I can give them help to make these changes. In many cases it is important to step up for Your own needs and also it is important to express Yourself lovingly to Your partner and try to find a solution together.
Women are not to blame here. It is the way we live our lives and what has been taught to us. If we would get a proper education about all this from our parents or school, but we don't. No one teaches us how these things should be and often times we don't even know things can be different. Why women are how they are I will explain in my blog about women's sexuality.
To all the women reading this blog, I would like to emphasize something: most men do not come to Tantric Therapy because they want to be better for their lover. They come because they want their marriage to have a better sexlife and to be able to offer more to their wives. They know that they can become much better at this. When Your partner comes to You saying he wants to make Your sexlife better and learn new things, please don't push him away and ignore this subject, because it is one of the most important subjects to address. Most men don't have affairs because it is fun, it is because they don't see any other options. The biggest problem here is that peope do not discuss these things with each other. Have that much respect for Your partner that You will hear him out and try to find a solution together. I understand that often sexual urges for people are different, but most of the time it is possible to find a solution that suits both of You.
Often times women want less sex because their needs are different and also because they can't have orgasms or they can have only clitoris orgasms. It is very important that men would last long in bed, at least 20-30 minutes. And this is where Tantric Therapy helps both of You. Men will be able to last longer and women can start excperiencing internal orgasms.
Why men don't last long in bed? Well, let's take a look at how sexual life usually begins for men. It is either masturbation or going to a prostitute to lose their virginity. Both actions are rather quick, masturbating is usually done at home, where the parents can hear him and he wants to do it as fast as possible. Same thing going to a prostitute, they want a man to come as fast as possible. No one teaches men that they have to last long and how to do it. Also watching porn will ruin a mans brain and has not much to do with real sexuality. Porn makes men addicts and damages their sexuality big time.
Information about how to be a better lover and last long is out there, but it has not reached the masses yet. Most people think Tantra is some kinky sex, trust me it is far from the truth. In ancient traditions sex was looked upon as something divine and powerful and there were teachings spread to people to address it properly. We have a vicious circle in sexuality: men can't last longer and they can't satisfy women properly and women do not want to have sex. Then relationships fail, because lack of oneness and because of adultery. This creates a lot of unhappy and unhealthy people in the world. When men and women are having less and less sex, then every time they try to do it the man comes quicker and quicker, because of the long breaks. When men are practicing to be able to last longer they have to make love as often as possible. We have a saying that unless it is 4 hours per week, it is not Tantra. I'd even say, it should be at least 30min-1h per day.
When people have an open mind and want to work with their sexuality, then this is the point where they come to a Tantra Therapist. In Tantric Therapy we teach men how they can last longer in bed and also how they can make sure that their partners will get orgasms in bed and I am not talking about clitoris orgasms, but all the amazing internal orgasms that women can have. Most women will also need to be opened up sexually and then both partners can enjoy an incredible love making.
Often peoples relationships are already in a bad place and then this also needs to be addressed. Yet many times sexuality is one of the main causes why their relationship is they way it is. And by changeing their sexuality, their relationship also changes for the better. When man can not get love and intimacy and the woman is not orgasming, they are both cranky and in stress.
Have courage to look at Your own sexuality and try to understand how important it is to have a great sexlife. It will influence every single part of Your life. If Your relationship is not working then take a deep look into Yourself and ask what is my part in this situation and what can I do to make it better.